EA, you idiots. Once one of the oldest and most respected video game publishers, which such adored titles such as Dr. J vs. Larry Bird, and the Battlefield series of games, etc. You are slowly growing cancerous, and killing yourself off. There are a number of things you can do to prevent your inevitable death, but from what I have seen with the console side of your business, it may be too late for us all. In no certain order, here is a list of things EA needs to address to become un-retarded, most of which is wrapped under the EA Nation banner that they have created.

First off, EA, please get RID of “EA Nation” and your entire online “philosophy” you have created and have been spreading to all of your console games like the Ebola virus, or some terminal form of ravenous cancer. Your multiplayer games are generally great on the PC, however what you are doing with console multiplayer games is both horrifying and disturbing. Every single time my friends or I have tried to play an EA game online, the experience has been so poor, we can never play though more than one round (or in the case of Tiger Woods, not even half a round) before something awful happens.

What this “awful” happening is can range from a variety of issues. I outline the most egregious via specific examples below:

a)      Multiplayer in Skate. Playing this game online is so buggy that it is nearly impossible. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in the middle of a round, only to be disconnected from the EA servers with some BS error. I can’t even create a room using my console until I join someone else’s game first, then quit, then start my own room (if I don’t do this, it will disconnecting me from my own room I created, go figure). Only to have the game end when somebody in my party inevitably gets disconnected. It isn’t only my console. Everyone I know who plays this game has had at least one game-stopping experience or another. The most common culprit? Being disconnected from EA Nation. It isn’t always bad, but thus far there have been problems 75% of the time.

b)      In Fifa 2008, when you are done playing a match with your buddies, it doesn’t dump you back into a game lobby, where you can all chat about your recent victory or defeat… No… that would make too much sense! Instead, it disconnects everybody and dumps you back out into the main menu! Want to pick another team or play a quick rematch? Too bad, you have to create the entire game, and then re-invite everybody that you had in your party. Shouldn’t be too bad right? Just a couple buttons to set up the match? Ummm… not quite. The game doesn’t remember ANY of the settings you used in the last match. Not even how long the quarters were!   No matter, you take the few minutes to set it ALL up again, and then you create the game so you and your buddies can play against others line. Better invite them quickly though… and you better hope that they join your match quickly, because there is no setting any private slots! Before you know it, your last friend who was taking a piss when he got the invite is SOL because there are no free slots left for him. THANKS EA, YOU ASSHOLES.

c)       Tiger Woods 2008. Just try playing one round of this game online with your friends.  I guarantee it will freeze by the 8^th hole. Guaranteed.

d)      None of the sports games feature a cohesive lobby system. None of them. Not one. Why EA decided that the age-old, proven, successful and standard lobby system was no longer good enough for its games is beyond me. Maybe they just thought it was too efficient? Maybe they thought it brought about too much interaction with others online? Whatever the reason, it doesn’t exist. What do you have in place? Well… you can join one of the arbitrary server lobbies that EA designates, and then maybe create your own lobby room for others to join, if they can find it. Good luck with that, and let me know how it goes. Even if you manage to get everybody into your lobby/chat room, playing a game and having everybody successfully return to your makeshift lobby afterward is essentially a forgone conclusion…. DEATH. IT DOES NOT WORK. EA YOU SUCK MY NUTS.

e)      EA Accounts. EA, your account system is so horribly f’ed up, there is no point in even having this system anymore. No other company makes it mandatory for console users to create useless accounts just to play multiplayer. Terms and conditions, and emails to my gamer account? Are you kidding me? I understand an account might be necessary in order to utilize some half-assed online special feature, such as saving gaming videos, but why make this process such an unbearable pain in the ass??? Better yet, why not just integrate with my Xbox Live gamer account, so I don’t need a separate one? When I bought Skate, I had to link my EA Account to my Xbox Live gamertag. I can’t even describe the kind of hellish purgatory I was subjected to in doing this. I’ve never seen a crappier, more buggy and Flash-ridden website than the one EA created to do this simple task.  A week later, the system finally worked, and I’ve been able to see the videos I’ve saved on Skate (usually, anyway), but now I have a new pain. Rock Band has since come out, and the CRAP build quality of the guitar has forced me to seek a replacement under warranty. Unfortunately I forgot my EA Account login, and using the “recover via email” option simply does not work.   The system says it sends an email to my account with my login info, but the email never arrives. Ah, it’s great to be back in EA HELL.

 

Honestly, there are countless more examples, but if I go into them all, I would die of anger and frustration. There is a reason why EA games rarely appear on the list of top multiplayer games played over Xbox Live. If they do appear, they are merely blips on the radar, and have no staying power. 

Take a hint EA.

You are not creating any kind of nation, or even a revolution for that matter. I know you want to maintain a tight control of your servers so you can monitor every little trend we gamers do in order for you to shove targeted marketing down our throats, and so you can cut off old versions of games in order to force us to “upgrade”, but please… I beg you. STOP.

There is no reason why you should stray so far from the successful (and standard) Xbox Live gaming experience that nearly every other game and publisher supports. Mainly, a coherent and easy lobby system…with no BS connection to a “home” server needed to be maintained just so we can all keep playing. You are hurting yourselves. You are hurting your customers. You are hurting the industry. But worst of all, you are making games NOT FUN TO PLAY. Hopefully Microsoft will grow some balls and force you to conform to a minimum online gaming standard. They are the only ones big enough to kick you in the nuts.

Aside from their blatant multiplayer tumors, another thing EA needs to cut out is their policy of swallowing smaller publishers and development houses, only to try to make them conform to what I call, “The EA Way.” How many times have we seen great studios, who produce great games get swallowed by EA, then have the games go to total SHIT while simultaneously alienating an entire fan base? Then the endless churn of bland game off-shoots and sequels come out, all of them lacking the soul of the original… only to eventually have the entire product line be killed off.

EA, if you see a AAA title in the making by an independent shop, please don’t promise the moon to that small dev house, swallow the souls of the developers, and then kill their baby. You’ve done it too many times now, and it’s getting old. JUST STOP IT.

At this point, if each EA franchise keeps going the way they are, the only way EA will be able to maintain profitability is to keep growing and swallowing AAA titles and development houses, while securing key exclusive licensing agreements to keep competition at bay (such as that sweet NFL deal that keeps all competition away from the classic American football genre, and keeps Madden from gaining any real innovation year over year). And this they continue to do, all at the expense of the gamer, and the entire gaming industry.

All EA has to do is look at their most successful and innovative titles to see how the aspects of its own business practices are hurting it. Skate, from a core gameplay perspective (online issues aside), is a great and fresh-feeling gaming experience. It owes much of its success due to the existence of the Tony Hawk series. TH set a lofty precedence, but over the years, the gameplay got stale. EA came in with some fresh perspective and hit a home run, creating a game that feels completely different from the Tony Hawk series, and we gamers loved it. If Tony Hawk answers back, Skate will have to keep innovating in order to stay competitive.

Madden, on the other hand, is in a state where the Tony Hawk series currently resides – a stale loaf of moldy bread, 5 years past its expiration date. If you were to take random screenshots and gameplay videos of Madden 2003 – 2008, and attempt to order them chronologically, you would have a seriously tough time because there is almost no discernable difference between each iteration of that game. 2K Sports’ NFL football series on the Dreamcast were great games. They provided a viable alternative to Madden, and gave gamers a real choice of where to spend their money. 2K Sports forced EA to keep developing new features for Madden, and keep the franchise moving forward. EA, with your exclusive NFL licensing agreement, you effectively killed 2K Sports NFL Football. But what you fail to realize is that the killing off of 2K Sports’ franchise is directly contributing to the reasons why Madden has become a game that NOBODY gets excited for anymore. Competition is good EA. It keeps you honest. It keeps you young, fresh, and on your toes. When you compete with yourself, you let yourself win. Stop doing that.

Heaven forbid Rockstar, Bungie, or Valve get into the sports gaming genre… because they will give you a serious ass whipping.

Get your act together EA. Treat your developers and studios better. We know it is all about the bottom line for you, but if you take care of your people, and foster (rather than hinder) competition, you will regain the pride and respect you once commanded. You will probably improve your bottom line too, you ASSES.